Comment on child’s physical development to date:
Height: 85.5 cm
Weight: 10.035 kg
Head: 47 cm
Fontenelle: not quite fully closed yet but doctor says that’s OK
Legs: slightly knock-kneed and slightly turned in hips but again doctor says that it’s OK at this age.

Developmental milestones: Hooray, at last she can jump. We have been practising jumping at the YMCA for a few months now as the toddler manuals say that jumping begins at this age. Perhaps she is too small or perhaps she just is not strong enough but jumping has eluded her. Now she can boing boing boing like a daishu (kangaroo)! Next challenge is standing on one leg and hopping. The scooter we bought is still not mastered. She got a trike for Xmas but she is still too short to reach the pedals properly even though this is the smallest trike on the market. 2004 will be the year of he trike and scooter for sure!

Not only can Xiao now jump but she can also walk on her tip toes. She also likes emulating Angelina Ballerina and Kung Fu actions. She continues running and loves doing relay races with Ba almost every night before dinner.

We visited the pediatrician for a checkup and she now weighs 10 k and is 85.5 cm tall, in other words in the year we have had her she has put on nearly 2.5 kilos and grown over 12 cms. She has grown taller but is still slim around the waist so her size 0 trousers still fit her although they are now shorts not longs.

Xiao can now do simple jigsaws and put shapes into their right holes. Previously she seemed to lack the patience to do it properly even though we practised a lot. A few months ago I bought her a number of the DVDs in the Brainy Baby and Baby Einstein series which surprisingly she loves. I thought they might be a bit young for her but she really enjoys watching then over and over, especially the animals DVD but also the shapes DVD and she can now name shapes like circle and square and triangle. She can of course count to 10 in English and Chinese but colours cannot be named reliably yet.

A year after buying some Lego blocks for her in a backpack in China she is now finally playing with them properly, building bridges and cars and skyscrapers. In China she was only interested in the backpack itself presumably imitating her big foster sister Yu Ting who would have put on her backpack everyday to go to school.

Xiao is now occasionally wearing big kids pull up nappies. With the warmer weather we are experimenting with no nappies and toilet learning. She loves no nappies and, as she always has done, will sit on the toilet, but she still does not ask to go to the toilet when she needs to.

Her Poppa gave Xiao her own computer to practise her mouse skills and she is now adept at turning it on and more or less patiently waits for the happy smiley Macintosh face to load. She likes showing others how to use MacPaint - she hasn’t quite got the hang of holding down the mouse whilst she moves it to draw but she is interested. She loves to mimic Mama whilst Mama is typing on the “real” computer next to her. She is a very careful girl and is never deliberately destructive or clumsy so I have started sitting her on my knee to use my computer to access computer games online at ABC Kids. Her favorite is Find Mixi. She doesn’t use the mouse herself but she directs me what she wants done next.

Comment on the child’s social and emotional development
eg how does the child relate to parents, sibling, other adults?

Family We are privileged to have now had Xiao for one year. We are her forever family and Xiao loves practising the concept of family. We regularly join hands in a circle around the dining room table and chant “We are FAMILY, We are FAMILY: Mama, Baba, Xiao, and Mao” (Mao is Chinese for cat). A couple of months ago her 11 year old cousin Tom flew down from Queensland to visit us for a week. She has only met him briefly once before on our trip to Brisbane to show her to the Frayne side of the family at the beginning of the year. She loved having a big “brother” to play with and eagerly included him in the family chant at dinner times: “We are FAMILY, We are FAMILY: Mama, Baba, Xiao, Mao and TOM.” Even though he has not been here for quite a few weeks he is still part of the chant.

Happy Adoption Day We celebrated the first anniversary of Xiao’s Adoption Day with her guardians in Melbourne. Xiao loves the Happy Adoption Day song on John McCutcheon’s Family Garden CD and the accompanying "doption day" book as she calls it. She sings along to almost all the words now. She seems to pick up on the word “adoption” in movies she watches such as Ice Age and Barbie as Rapunzel. We have many books on adoption and specifically Chinese adoption, some written for her now like I Love You Like Crazy Cakes and some for later like Kids Like Me In China.

Santa We succeeded in getting her first Santa photo. I never realised before becoming a mother how frightening Santa can be in the flesh for young children. We started Santa training 2 weeks beforehand: a few visits to watch other children being photographed and the purchase of a toy singing Santa. Now our little two year old sings along to "Santa Claus is coming to town" and thinks it's funny that my name (Sandra) sounds a bit like Santa! With the help of cousin Tom as a role model, we approached Santa. She did finally sit on his knee but she was not happy. We came back later and tried again, this time just standing next to Santa. Still not quite the beautiful smile and dimples that we've come to know and love but good enough for our very own favourite Xmas elf who knows to tell Santa that she has been a good girl and that she wants a trike for Xmas (the same as Mei Mei's trike)! A week later her playgroup had a Xmas party and the playgroup coordinator, Julie, handed out the presents as Mrs Claus and this was more acceptable to Xiao. Her present was one of the last ones to be handed out and she was getting very worried. Right from the start she was standing next to Mrs Claus wanting her present.

Other Social & Emotional We had a long weekend in Salamander Bay with the families of everyone who works for Geoff’s company. It’s a three hour drive but Xiao was not too unhappy and slept for most of the journey there and back. She loved playing with the older children at the resort and we had two very late nights as she was so excited. Ring a Ring a Rosie featured heavily as one of her main enjoyments, with Xiao as the leader and instigator. However she had two very bad accidents which frightened the life out of her parents although everything turned out alright in the end. The first night she ran into one of the boys and fell on her face on the concrete. The cracking noise was so loud we were very worried about concussion but next morning there were not even any bruises to show for it. The next night she fell out of the high chair in the restaurant, again onto her face on the floor, again the noise making us think she was seriously maimed. There was blood and of course a lot of crying but next morning there were no bruises nor broken teeth. The other mums and dads laughed about us being first time anxious parents and told us to expect many more accidents with her this year! Mama had just finished a one day First Aid course but instead of feeling more confident to cope with emergencies she felt more stressed about knowing all the things that can go wrong.

It was interested for us to note that with these accidents Xiao did let us console her, hug her, kiss her and reassure her. We remember that for many months after we got her she would not allow us her to console her or rock her like a baby. Instead she would arch her back and try to escape from our arms and cry even louder. These small changes are reminders to us that although things look rosy on the outside, there are still stresses and sorrows on the inside caused by the change from orphanage to foster care followed 11 months later by sudden separation from her foster family. Although outwardly happy and outwardly coping, inside she has still been on her guard.

Daycare Mama returns to work next week after one year parental leave. I can’t believe a whole year has passed already. I am returning only three days per week for the first 6 months in order to ease the transition a little, for her and for me! Xiao’s Chinese nanny was great but unreliable. A second nanny, a woman my age, she did not like and possibly saw her too much as a Mama substitute so now she has two young Australian Nannies who she likes. We have two nannies so that they can back each other up for sick days and holidays. Xiao is now reasonably used to her two nannies but I have not yet been away from her for a whole day. I am pleased to report that I have managed to escape long enough for my first massage and facial since 2002. We also have one day a week at my university’s daycare centre. We’re not sure yet that she will settle into the centre the one day per week. That may require some more practice. She likes the Centre and its playground. She is particularly intrigued by the Xiao-size toilets and Xiao-size hand basins. She tells me to “Wait here!” and trots off to the toilet herself but then can’t get her trousers off and is still too short to hop onto the toilet herself like the other children even though she’d really like to be able to be that independent. She is also intrigued by the little stretcher beds the children all use at lunchtime for their naps but she has failed to go to sleep on one herself. She has allowed Mama to leave for short amounts of time but one hour is too long at the moment.

What types of food does the child eat? She continues to be healthy and is eating and drinking a little better these days. We still use a bottle three times a day (120 mls) to be sure she’s getting enough fluid and for emotional reasons. She is still a great fruit eater and eats tons of smoked salmon and prawn crackers. She now likes ice cream. When we first received her, ice cream seemed to be too cold for her liking. She also has a sweet tooth for chocolate which we try to side step.

What is the child’s sleeping pattern? In the past month Xiao has fallen out of our big bed in the middle of the night a few times. It’s a very loud noise that she makes landing in her sleep on the wooden floor but somehow there are no bruises to show for all the tears. Possibly as the weather gets hotter she is rolling away from us towards the foot of the bed where it might be cooler and then falling out. For her night time sleep, I tried to move her to the single bed in her own room which she has been using now for three months at lunchtimes, but Xiao refused.

So we decided to buy her a cot sized bed or princess bed to have in our room. She has seen these at Ikea and always hops into them and pretends to sleep whilst Mama is shopping for other things at Ikea. The beds at Ikea do not have half rails on the side like I wanted so I found one at Babies Galore. We tried one out in the shop and Xiao assured me that yes she would sleep in one if I bought it!!! Fortunately she kept her word. Mama and Baba were swearing until 9.30pm the night we tried to put it together and Xiao was very helpful passing us tools and screws and telling us both to “shut up”. Eventually she was able to hop in the new bed and it was so late she did go straight to sleep. She now sleeps there day and night so her own room is unused again except for dressing and playing.

We had the bed in the middle of the floor of our bedroom where her (unused) cot used to be. Unfortunately she also fell out of this bed too but it is only a 6 inch drop and we had cushions all around in case. She tosses and turns a few times in the night and sometimes turns herself around facing the other end of the bed where there are no rails. So now Mama has rearranged the whole bedroom and the new bed is pushed against a wall on one side and we’ve put the small safety rail from her single bed against the other side. Xiao accepts that she is not in prison like she used to feel in her cot, that she can climb out if she wants to and that the rail is there to stop her falling out when she is asleep. Most nights she will wake in the middle of the night and stretch her arms out to be taken into our bed but there are now also many nights when she sleeps all the way through in her own bed. Hooray for Mama and Baba after nearly 12 months of co-sleeping with Xiao we have the bed to ourselves.

Now that she has her own bed we cannot lie down with her to help her drift off so we sit in a wicker chair next to the bed and wait. Some nights Xiao does not go to sleep quickly and she asks to come onto my lap to be rocked to sleep: “rock, rock, Mama”. Previously the occasions we have been able to rock her to sleep in our arms can be counted on one hand. For us as adoptive parents this is a major breakthrough. The documents from the foster family says that she was rocked to sleep for the year that she was with them yet she has not allowed us to put her in that prone baby position. We surmise it must have made her feel too vulnerable. Although to all appearances, Xiao has been well attached to us almost since the beginning, this is yet another sign that underneath there are still attachment processes that she is gradually resolving. We love this new phenomenon of cuddling her to sleep but as always the toddler manuals say we should be teaching her to go to sleep by herself unaided by adult intervention. We are destined to constantly feel guilty about our parenting strategies as the theory of Attachment Parenting (in particular for adopted toddlers) puts us in conflict with most toddler manuals which stress independence as early as possible.

Since getting her cot bed she sometimes now allows a sheet to be put over her. Up until this time she has always kicked off any covers which has been a nuisance whilst in Ma and Ba’s bed as our sheet has to fit over Ba then under Xiao and then over Ma again which makes the sheet/doona quite tight and restrictive for Ma and Ba. We have always had to dress her quite warmly for bed since she’ll accept no covers. I’m hoping this acceptance of covers will continue into winter and that she will no longer have to wear sleep suits over her “jamas” in winter. Weather in Sydney is very hot now, even at night, so she only wears a nappy to bed at lunchtime and very light pyjamas at night time. But it is a nice motherly feeling to tuck her sheet over her as we retire to bed a couple of hours after she has gone to sleep. Previously she would kick voilently at the covers, even in her sleep. We hope this is another indication that she is more settled but maybe it’s just a function of her age.

Comment on the child’s language development. Her language skills continue to blossom with new words and sentences emerging every day. We are constantly staggered by how much she knows and we wonder how much she must have known before but just did not have the words to communicate it. One of the things that I have had to learn as an adoptive mother is that I continually under-estimate what my girl can understand. Being a first time mother and adopting a toddler who has had to all of a sudden change language mid-stream, I subconsciously think I should not expect too much so I keep my language very simple as I don’t want to confuse her. Whereas as time has gone on, I now think I could have embarked earlier on more complex language and lots of explanations and she would have understood. I noticed early on how much talking Lindsay, another adoptive mother does with Lena and thought this was a function of Lena’s adoption being at such a young age and therefore her language change might not be as confusing. But now I see that what Lindsay does in explaining everything to Lena is very beneficial to language development. Obviously everyone has to find a happy medium on how to handle language development but to others who are adopting toddlers as first time parents I would now say “keep reminding yourself to talk to your child about what you’re doing and explain, explain, explain.”

In March Xiao will go one Sunday morning per month to a Chinese Culture Class called Pandaroos. Pandaroos was started by Willa McDonald and others who adopted a couple of years earlier than us, in conjunction with the China Australia Association. There are now two groups of about six families who meet with a Chinese mentor who introduces cultural activities and basic Chinese language to the children. We are really looking forward to it as Xiao is very interested in all things Chinese and recognizes Chinese writing and Chinese language. We tracked down the Taiwanese Wiggles DVD because it is in Mandarin. She is now addicted to it and can sing along quite well in Mandarin. Although she may not understand the meaning of all words she can mimic Chinese well.

What are the child’s favourite activities?
Opening Presents & Parties She has been receiving presents ever since she arrived in Australia a year ago but the last 3 months have been worse because of her birthday and then Xmas. However she is also good at giving presents and making presents for others in the same way that she is also very good at sharing food. She likes parties, adult ones more so than children’s parties as she gets more attention at adult ones. She likes to be the hostess handing around the crackers and spreading dip on biscuits.

Dancing, singing and the Wiggles Thanks to Belinda Keatinge and others in the adoption community, a group booking was made for the Wiggles concert at Sydney Entertainment Centre. Thousands of fans flocked to the concert. Xiao loves the Wiggles, both the Australian ones and the Taiwanese ones. I thought the crowd and the loud music might be daunting for her but no, she was in her element and dancing in the aisles until the bouncers told her to get back to her seat. Murray came quite close to us in his run around the audience to collect roses for Dorothy the Dinosaur. Xiao was thrilled as she likes Murray and his guitar, often picking up her own ukelele to play along with the Wiggles DVD. Many nights when Ba comes home from work we put on a CD and sing and dance with her at our very own disco.

Television She loves to watch morning ABC for Kids when we are at home and can sing along to most theme songs now. She particularly likes PlaySchool and the nannies often follow up by making whatever was made on PlaySchool that day. Later in the evening if we are trying to wind her down, there are some DVDs that she will consistently choose over and over again such as Ice Age, Shrek & Barbie.

Craft The nannies have been terrific at doing craft activities with her. She loves cutting, pasting, painting and playdough.

Swimming One of the nannies is a qualified swimming instructor and she been giving her private swimming lessons to help her conquer her dislike of having water go on her face and head. Xiao also loves the beach and sand like any normal Aussie toddler would.

Swings & Slides She still loves playgrounds and the bigger the slide the better.

Other As mentioned previously we are in contact with the foster family. As it has now been a year since Adoption Day, we have sent photos and an update to the Mother’s Love Orphanage with a big thank you for our wonderful daughter.